PRELUDES; Therapy for Dot-Com Survivors
By ABBY ELLIN
Published: March 18, 2001
'HI, I'm Jen, and I'm an entrepreneur. I work 72 hours a week.'' Pause. ''Sometimes I feel totally, utterly alone, like I'm on a rickety old bridge connecting huge gorges in an Indiana Jones movie. It's nice to know there are other people out there who feel the same way I do.''
Many in the audience nodded knowingly as Jen Dalton shared her growing frustrations of operating a fledgling business in an increasingly tough economy. The 65 others who had gathered at Microsoft's campus in Mountain View, Calif., to attend a half-day ''Sustainable Entrepreneur'' workshop last month took turns talking about their troubles. Many had seen their dot-com businesses fail in recent months, and they were there to take an ''honest look at the way they are running their lives and how it's not working,'' Nicholas Hall, 31, the workshop organizer, said.
Some people might call it group therapy for Adult Survivors of Dysfunctional Dot-Coms. Whatever the label, it is the latest coping mechanism for entrepreneurs whose companies have gone under or are struggling. But instead of the now-ubiquitous ''pink slip'' parties for the rank and file, these self-help workshops target the man or woman at the top.
''The entrepreneur himself had this huge idea, got a jillion people to sign on and then it all fell apart,'' said Ms. Dalton, 30, who started a career- and business-consulting company called idea girl in San Francisco six months ago. ''You think of yourself as the biggest loser.''
Joan Indursky-DiFuria, co-founder of the Money, Meaning and Choices Institute in San Francisco -- the folks who put the phrase ''Sudden Wealth Syndrome'' into the lexicon -- said many of her clients are now dealing with ''Sudden Loss of Wealth Syndrome.'' Symptoms include feelings of shame, guilt and humility. ''Even though they know the economy is largely responsible, they thought they should have been able to conquer it,'' she said. The institute's goal, she added, is to help people find balance between work, life and money.
There are other places where failed entrepreneurs can go to explore their real and perceived inadequacies. Since January, Nigel Henry, 39, a business coach in Oakland, Calif., has been running his day-long ''Master Unleashed'' workshops twice a month in the San Francisco Bay area (fee: $150 each). He said being laid off or watching your company fall apart is a good time to ask the question, ''What am I doing on the planet?'' Although he also does individual coaching, he believes the group dynamic is more powerful. ''Each person brings a new dimension on the same subject, so you get the benefit of everybody's perspective,'' he said.
In February, Mr. Hall, who also founded Startupfailures.com, an online support community, unveiled the first ''Sustainable Entrepreneur'' seminar, which costs about $100. (Participants can opt to take part in a three-month follow-up luncheon series for additional fees.)
The biggest problem, Mr. Hall said, is that the identity of so many entrepreneurs is wrapped up in their companies, and when the businesses die, ''they're left without a personal vision.''
''One guy, a graphic designer, lost all of his clients in one month,'' he said. ''All of them gone, boom. I'm trying to help entrepreneurs see how to fit their work into their life as opposed to fit their life into their work.''
That is not always easy to do, as Mr. Hall discovered when he invited visitors to his Web site to take a survey about how they felt after their businesses failed. Two-thirds of the 400 people who responded said their physical well being had suffered and their confidence was rattled.
Mr. Hall also knows about failure; he has seen three of his start-up companies (in financial services and the beverage and Internet industries) implode. Now, it seems, he has found success in failure.
''There are so many workshops that help start-ups raise money and things of that nature,'' he said. ''I hope the kind of work I'm doing becomes more of a holistic approach to training for the entrepreneurs.''
If the New Age vibe seems a little prominent, well, it is. On the other hand, the workshops are not all deep breathing and sun salutations. Mr. Hall injects humor throughout, like the contest to see who had the most credit card debt or who had taken the shortest vacation. (Winners were given scissors and sun block.) But participants are also asked to take long, hard looks at their goals. ''We look at the model of sustainability, some people refer to it as a balanced life,'' Mr. Hall said. ''I look at the different practices in my life that have enabled me to enjoy the journey, despite the fact that some of my start-ups haven't worked out so well.''
SOME people, of course, shun the group atmosphere and seek one-on-one therapy. Dr. James P. Osterhaus, a clinical psychologist in the greater Washington area and co-author of ''The Thing in the Bushes'' (Pinion Press, 2001), a book about preventing business failure, sees a number of recovering dot-comers both in his private practice and at the Armstrong Group, a management consulting firm in Fairfax, Va., where he also works. ''A lot of the work we do is grief work,'' he said. ''They lost money, a lifestyle. They work through the stages of grief: shock, disbelief, anger, depression and acceptance.''
Ms. Dalton, for one, compared the life of an entrepreneur to the life of a soldier. ''The thing is, we're all fighting by ourselves and our failures are that much more intense because they are ours alone,'' she said.
Her goal, she said, is to try to live in the here and now, not compare herself to her seemingly more successful peers.
And if she happens to make $300,000 a year in the process, well, she certainly won't complain.
