CDuckC's Pitch

What is it that all Americans want? They want to lose weight, get rich and get a perfect pair of abs. And how do they want to get it? Without working! They want to get rid of the process and get straight to the gold. They want the cookies but they don't want to climb up the fridge. They want to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop but they don't want to lick it all goddamn day. they want an E-ticket but they don't want to pay for it. So what do we give them? Our all-new revolutionary patented Process! What is our Process exactly? It doesn't matter. It'll probably be some sort of combination of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Hypno-Therapy, and the Law of Attraction/Positive Thinking crap packed onto our audio and video cassettes. If Americans are too lazy to work for their own process, wel'll make one up and sell it to them. Wanna lose weight? Listen to our Process tapes. Wanna make money just by thinking about it? Watch our videos. Wanna ge a nice physique and get laid? Listen to our process CD's and MP3's. Our all new patented process will get you whatever you want so you can go straight to the land of Milk and Honey without having to actually schlep all the way there!